Who wears a wallet chain?!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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