He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
