I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
