so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
