I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
