Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
that may or may not have been my penis.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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