she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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