i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
