If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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