she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
