handjob tips. give me some.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
