my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
