I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
