U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize