Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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