so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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