Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
