Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
