when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
