Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
