well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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