Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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