My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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