I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
