I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
