I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
