Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
