If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
