they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
