Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize