I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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