He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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