so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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