Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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