I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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