Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
