Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
