Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
