I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
