Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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