it's too hot outside to masturbate.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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