i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
