i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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