I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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