i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
