I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
