Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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