Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
