Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
