I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
