I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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