Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
