Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My breasts were aching with rage.
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And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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