I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
