we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
