Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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