Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
