There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
