Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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