I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
third nipple confirmed
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
