I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
