he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
try to milk me bitch
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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