i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
