we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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