She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
