Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
