you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
