just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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