Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
