pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
