Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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