Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
