I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
