im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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