And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I enjoy the company of your penis
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
