Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
