im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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