After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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